A cancer diagnosis can visit upon us a kaleidoscope of shifting feelings. In each moment the arrangement of emotions can cascade into a different pattern, but the themes begin to present themselves. You may feel entirely alone, but rest assured that you are in good company if you are feeling discombobulated by these shifting sands of emotion.
Gathered here is collective wisdom from hundreds of people who have spoken with me about their encounter with cancer. I hope I have done their wisdom justice in writing it here.
Sometimes I meet a longstanding meditator who is figuring out how to use their existing meditation practice to meet with their experience of cancer. More often, I meet people who don’t identify as meditators but they are seeking something to support them in the face of difficulty. When we start to talk about what they are passionate about, most of them intuitively recognise mindfulness is already part of their lives. They might not be meditators per se, but they are mindful leatherworkers, mindful cyclists, mindful beach walkers and mindful cooks in their regular lives, though life is not ‘regular’ right now.
Meditation is so much more than “a strategy” but that doesn’t mean you can’t be strategic about how you build it into your life. The diagnosis and active treatment phase of cancer care may not be the ideal time to learn this practice in depth, especially if you have never met it before. It might make more sense to get to know some of the shorter practices, such as pausing or taking a mindful breathing space so you can use them in waiting rooms or for pacing yourself when your energy is low.
Remember that learning takes place when we operate with awareness and do not put ourselves into positions that provoke added pain or distress. Please let the audio guidance be an invitation to you to choose what is right for you and your body as it is today. Remember you can always follow the invitations in your imagination.
Common questions and discoveries
- Mind wandering – yes – that’s exactly what minds do. It is not something you need to become preoccupied with. Rather, it is possible to simply acknowledge it when you become aware it is happening. You could then release whatever you mind has focused on and allow your awareness to return to the anchor of the breath, the body, sound or sensation.
- Frustration – yes – meditation will show you whatever is there. We often expect or hope that our practices will be of the peaceful variety, but if there is turmoil present you will more than likely meet with that. Don’t let this put you off your practice, but do just take good care of yourself while you let the emotion (frustration, anger, sadness, sorrow etc) arise and pass away. Remember that nothing is permanent.
- “I’m not doing this right” – this arises for most people at some point in time. It is probably a legacy of our societal concepts about what is right/wrong and achieving goals. While these ideas may be useful in other aspects of our lives, we are cultivating a different repertoire with mindfulness, more of a ‘being mode’ and of non-judgement.
- “its not working” – this implies some expectation of what you think you should be experiencing when you meditate. It’s hard not to want a particular effect from the practice and its confusing that it will often give us much that we end up wanting more from it. There is an art to letting go of outcome and just being in the process.
If it is of interest to explore more audio tracks you might like to try these websites
https://www.mindfulnessscotland.org.uk/audio-practice has some lovely resources you can tap into
http://www.bangor.ac.uk/mindfulness/audio organises their tracks according to the anchor of the meditation, e.g. the breath, the body, sound, walking and so on.
Linda Carlson in Calgary has a great base of research into the role of mindfulness in cancer care. Her book Mindfulness Based Cancer Recovery (Carlson, Speca and Segal, 2011) will step you through the program if you want to do it yourself from home. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOW6wf2FvSM
“the mountain lion in the fridge” https://somehedgehog.tumblr.com/post/119415185391/cancer-the-mountain-lion-in-your-fridge
“after the treatment finishes, then what?” from Dr Peter Harvey https://www.workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf
Mindful Cancer Care 